Sometimes I just look at people and think are you fucking serious? People are so dumb.
Yesterday as I was sitting on the bench in the backyard I discovered a little water flower in my Dad’s pond.
I had an unusually quiet day at work today. It wasn’t the chaotic buzzing financial zoo that it normally is with people scrambling to get their bills paid on time, frantically trying to exchange their Canadian dollars for Euros, Pounds Sterling, US Dollars, Indian Rupees and outraging that their rate of return is so low compared to what it was 5 years ago (HAHA) just hours before making their way to the airport to depart for their vacation or panicking to top their accounts up with money praying that their mortgage payment hasn’t gone through running the risk of bouncing due to insufficient funds. Perhaps it was the unseasonable nippy autumn-like weather we’ve been experiencing in August that kept people far away. Maybe it was because it was a few days after the middle of the month. Or maybe (just maybe!) people have finally realized that there are better places to be in the morning other than the bank (ie. their bed or bailing their child out of jail or clipping their toe nails). I think the first and second explanation sounds like plausible reasons for the slow morning I experienced today. That’s because I firmly doubt people are aware that there is a whole other world outside the bank. Banking continues to fascinate me. Coming to the bank (of all places!) and spending your precious time waiting in a lineup in the year 2014 (the internet era and age of online everything!) boggles my mind. Like why would you come into a bank if you could just deposit all your cash at the ATM machine, pay all your bills in the privacy of your own home in your pyjamas (or just a smile, or frown whichever you got on that matches your favourite lipstick)
I didn’t wreck my mind wondering what was keeping people from walking through our doors this morning. Instead I let the situation work to my advantage. I sat on my high chair (with back support which by the way is a luxury!) the entire time and in between helping the few odd customers who still came in dressed weather appropriately (because there aint no mountain high enough, aint no valley low enough, aint no weather bad enoughhhhh to keep them away from youuuuuu babyyyyy *points to the bank*) I twirled my thumbs while catching my reflection in my computer screen pretending not to be checking myself out and started to browse some websites making lists of things that I wanted to buy, things that I wanted to monitor the prices of and things that I just always fantasized about owning (like a Rolex watch). It was great, until I realized that even if I sold my soul (for a reasonable amount) I would not be able to afford even the small hand on the Rolex.
Exhausted from all that online window shopping at 10am, and having started to feel depressed from becoming aware of my reality (precisely how rich I am not), I closed my browser to begin my research on how I would spend my time in Prague and Berlin. Just then a customer pushes the glass doors and walks in. My eyes, aware of my surroundings followed him and I greeted him with a hello making him feel like the only person in the room (which wasn’t to difficult to do because he was the only customer). “Good morning Sir!” I smiled. “Why hello! That was quite the greeting you gave me, there’s nobody in here! What? Did the bank run of out of money?”. “Not at all. What took you so long? I’ve been here waiting for you!” I replied (note: after working at this mind numbingly stupid menial part-time job for almost 5 months now, I actually have lines). “Hahaha” he replied “I’m here now!” He was holding a bunch of fliers in his hand and he put them down on my wicket, unfolding one and picking up his pen to write. “My name is Michael” and I’m from the pizza place two plazas away from you he informed me. I was distracted by Michael’s salt and peppery hair and totally began tuning him out. He looked like he was at least 45. “Oh very nice” I replied. “I was in the areas and wanted to drop some fliers off to you guys, if you’re ever in the mood for pizza for lunch you can order from us and we’ll deliver it to you in less than 10 minutes” he told me. “That sounds great! Do you have jalapeño peppers? My manager loves them” I asked (knowing that of course they have jalapeño peppers! but I had to prolong the conversation to make it seem like I was interested and also to make it feel like a natural conversation with no awkward pauses or moments…I’m telling you, knowing how to keep a conversation going is a skill!). “Of course we do” Michael replied smiling, unfolding the menu to show me the variety of toppings they offer. “Well this is great, my manager loves jalapeño peppers!” I replied with as much enthusiasm as I could possibly fake (I don’t care if you judge me, I just realized that I am not in the financial position to even afford the HAND on the Rolex!). “You made me feel so special walking into the bank today with your warm greeting and your beautiful smile, when you place your order tell them you spoke to me and they’ll take care of you” he said as he started to write his name on the flier. “I sure will!” I replied as I watched him scribble on the menu which he later handed to me. “Have a good one!” he said to me as he walked away “and do take advantage of the offer!”. “Have a good one” I replied as I waved him goodbye. I took the menu off the counter to read what he had written on the back.
They say a smile is worth a thousand words. My smile is worth 10% off a order of pizza.
P.S. Tomorrow is Wednesday and you know what that means? Questionable pizza day!
Obviously it doesn’t compare to the canoli I had in Rome on the Spanish Steps but it comes pretty close. And this raspberry cheesecake was pure bliss on Kipling.
Everything I love will slowly die.
This is India’s plan to eradicate Sikhs (who have selflessly fought against the British to gain indepdence). Pollute Punjab!