Over the past few months I have discovered something about myself. Now before I share my new self discovery, I would like to mention (in an attempt to make it public knowledge that) I can now comfortable breathe through my nose.
Why do I feel the need to announce this you might be asking yourself? (or at least I am imagining and fantasizing that you are asking yourself because that makes me feel important)
For as long as I can remember I could never breathe through my nose, I have been breathing through my mouth since I was 5 (at least that is what I remember). On a good day the left nostril was open allowing me to comfortably inhale and exhale but the right nostril was blocked. On another good day (a good day is anytime one nostril is open) the right nostril was open and the left one was blocked.
On a really bad day I had allergies (the bad days existed more than the good ones), my nose was a leaky faucet that not even the best plumber could fix! It dripped, it ran and was wiped with nothing but the finest tissues (I like to think that I am single handedly responsible for the continued financial success of Kleenex brand tissues). When I say that I suffered from allergies, I was in AGONY. People would consistently offer me home remedies or feel sorry for me and wish that I get better soon. The worst was, I always sounded nasally! I never really got to hear what I truly sounded like because so much of my voice was filtered through my nose. It was sad, embarrassing. I was tired, physically and mentally drained. My nose sucked all the life out of me. UNTIL NOW!
Avamy. What I will name my daughter if I change my mind about havi kids. This is the nasal spray that has enhanced my quality of life and could have enhanced it ten years ago had I listened to my mother who had been consistently encouraging me (to the point of botheration) to use this spray but I didn’t listen to her and boy do I wish I could go back in time and listen to my mother.
Tonight I sit here and type this blog post being completely able to breathe through my nose without any obstruction. Nothing is leaky, nothing is running, I have no boogers and I don’t need a Kleenex!
Aside from my bodily, material self discovery what did I discover about the immaterial part of myself over the past few months?
I feel free. And it feels fucking AMAZING. Free to be myself. Free to be ME. Almost carefree (I say *almost* because I obviously have not found my way out of my crappy job at the bank but I am working on it!) I feel uninhibited (kind of like feels after having had a bit too much whiskey) with a boost of confidence that can only come with 4 greys and age. I can speak my mind and do what I feel like doing openly (except for the obvious, I’ll only pick my nose when I know that no one is around and if I am caught I will play cool).
I feel comfortable and honest in my being (both my material being that is my body (because I look spectacular naked) and my immaterial being that is my personality (because I have made great friends and had fun with cool strangers because of it) that continues to develop and my moral spirit that continues to evolve (it is not perfect)).
I feel secure. If I were an operating system I would be Blackberry. I feel like my actions and my inactions are authentic. I don’t care what people think about me (entirely) because I’ve learned that people are always going to talk, and if they’re going to talk regardless one should give them something to talk about. I for one am gracious that I would even be considered worth someone’s time and energy to talk about . Consequently my new found ability to not care (which didn’t happen over night) has caused more people to gravitate towards me, good people, people I like and who like me in return. Moreover, I have learned that people who talk 1) unfortunately do not have hobbies or ones that occupy them enough 2) aren’t having enough good sex or just haven’t quite figured our how to touch themselves 3) are unsatisfied with their lives or the choices they have made 4) just need to pick on others out of sheer envy. Guess what? Neither of them apply to me! (Okay maybe 4 applies to me just a little because I am still at the bank but for the most part I have made the right choices 78.95& of the time)
I have been very honest in my blog and in my tweets, almost to the point where some people do not believe what I write about because apparently my posts do not add up to the in-person Kiran. Believe me (or choose not to) but this is all of me. And as much as I hate myself most of the time, I love who I am and am not changing for anyone except changing natural with time.
This song is fitting: